


Omission

by my_deer_friend



Series: My Deer Kinktober 2020 [17]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Accidental Stimulation, Cheating, Guilt, Infidelity, Jamilton - Freeform, Kinktober, Kinktober 2020, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, jeffmads - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_deer_friend/pseuds/my_deer_friend
Summary: It was an accident.That’s what Thomas will tell Alex.Well, itwasan accident - that’s not a lie. Or, at least, it started out that way.---(Prompt 9 - accidental stimulation, Jeffmads)
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: My Deer Kinktober 2020 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947265
Comments: 21
Kudos: 42





	Omission

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by a Tumblr anon!
> 
> \---
> 
> ¡Muchas gracias a Poli por ayudarme cuando nadie más podía!

It was an accident.

That’s what Thomas will tell Alex.

Well, it  _ was _ an accident - that’s not a lie. Or, at least, it started out that way.

Thomas’ department were away for two weeks on an intensive conference tour. Yes, he and James and the others had all bonded intensely over shitty predawn filter coffee and in-jokes and figuring out how to use each new hotel’s laundry system. Yes, they’d stayed up every night talking about theories and papers and the latest gossip from their academic colleagues - and when everyone else had gone to bed, James had stayed up even later with him, talking long into the night with the lights turned out like a couple of teenagers. And, yes, he’d shared a room with James most nights, because they were best friends and it shouldn’t have been an issue. 

But then - no, he had not planned on getting quite that drunk on the last night before the flight home. And no, he had not meant to bump into James, or to trip and reach out to get his balance and touch him  _ there. _ No, he had not expected their eyes to meet and for that wordless conversation to pass between them, and for James to grab his hand and keep it where it had landed.

It was really just one stupid accident after the other.

Thomas could still remember that it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea in the moment. Alex was so far away - separated by time and space, and emotionally distant too after the intense bonding of the last two weeks. It  _ hadn’t _ felt like a big deal. Just a bit of fun. James had laughed and egged him on and promised he would keep it a secret. 

So what harm could it do?

Just two friends stumbling drunkenly to their room, hushing and tugging at each other, fumbling at the door and slamming it shut urgently. Kissing as they ripped away belts and shirts and ties. Falling onto James’ bed in a tangle of limbs and moans. Grinding their hips together. Then - nakedness and mouths and fingers and then James thrusting into him, holding him so tightly, pressing his forehead and lips to Thomas’ as they rutted and groaned.

Neither of them had stopped to ask - what about Alex?

Of course  _ Thomas _ should have put an end to it - after the kiss, or after the fondling, it would have been better to have stopped and any point before crossing the next line, and the next, and the next. Worst of all, he had let James fuck  _ him _ \- worst because that meant he’d gone somewhere with James-his-friend that he had not let Alex-his-partner go. Even though Alex had asked.

But even if Thomas had allowed this... James should have stopped it. Thomas knew deep down that James really didn’t  _ like _ Alex - even though he’d vigorously denied any ill feelings towards him every time Thomas had asked. But even so, even putting Alex’s feelings aside, James knew how madly Thomas is in love. James should not have encroached, or should have pulled the emergency cord - for his best friend’s sake. James was usually his voice of conscience and reason, so Thomas didn’t know why that had failed him in this case.

When they’d woken up together, still sore and sweaty, but now also viciously hung over, Thomas had immediately been overcome with remorse and dread - but James had been wearing a triumphant, contented smile. 

Thomas had seen it, and despite that he’d still allowed James to wrap his arms around him - then his  _ hand _ around him. He didn’t have the excuse of drunkenness to explain away that one. The long, scalding shower afterwards had done nothing to wash away the feelings of confusion and guilt.

James sat beside him on the flight, saying quiet, reassuring things about how he wasn’t a bad person, how he didn’t have to tell, how maybe - if Thomas ever wanted to talk about it again, they could grab a coffee, or a dinner, and maybe slip away somewhere quiet and private. 

He was still revolted at himself for not just shooting that ludicrous suggestion down on the spot. But a little selfish part of him thought that, if he’d just ruined things with Alex, there was no point blowing up his friendship with James too.

And somehow it had all still felt unreal and harmless right up until his cab had pulled up outside his house and reality had crashed back around him.

Thomas forced his legs to climb the short flight of stairs to the front door, and forced his hand to unlock it. It clicked quietly closed behind him and suddenly he felt like there was nowhere to hide.

It was a Saturday, but Alex had commandeered the kitchen counter with laptop and coffee pot and stacks of case files in his usual fashion. 

Alex looked up at him when he walked in, eyes brimful with fondness and sparkle. “My favourite asshole is back,” he said, but it was teasing and his grin took all the bite out. Thomas had missed Alex’s snarkiness after James’ kind, gentle words. “You survived your trip!”

“Yeah, I did,” Thomas said, and walked around to give Alex a kiss on the crown of his head. Shit. He should say something. Just come clean. The longer he delayed...

Alex purred and slid an arm around his waist. “Did you miss me?”

“Nah,” Thomas joked - though it was just a little true. After the first few days, he’d been too swept up in the trip to spend time thinking about home. His chest tightened with the realisation of exactly how badly he’d screwed up.

Alex took a sip from his mug and smiled up at him, more genuinely this time. “I  _ am _ glad you’re home, Tom. But, I have a confession. I did something and you’re gonna be furious.”

Thomas’ heart skipped three beats in a row. Did Alex…? 

“What happened?” he asked softly.

“It’s your fault, really, for leaving me alone and bored for two entire weeks.” 

“ _ What, _ Alex?” 

Would he be a hypocrite for getting angry about Alex cheating?

“You know that absurdly expensive cognac you had Laf bring you back from France? I might have helped myself to a glass… or five.”

Oh. Thomas was immediately relieved that it was just that - and right after, oddly angry that Alex hadn’t given him a way out of his own pathetic infidelity.

“But - you don’t even like it?”

“No, it was gross, but I was too lazy to go out and get something better. Had to mix it with tonic, too.”

Normally, he would  _ actually _ have been pretty annoyed about all this, but his emotions were so muddled in the moment that he just acted out the expected response. “You’re a savage, Hamilton.”

“And  _ you’re _ a snob.” Alex slipped a few questing fingers under the back of his shirt, and looked up through his eyelashes. “I didn’t miss your shitty fucking attitude, but I did miss, ah, other parts.”

Thomas’ stomach twisted. There was no way he could do that now, with Alex, before he’d confessed. He carefully extracted Alex’s hand and brought it to his lips with a regretful smile. “Later, okay? I’m tired.”

“You’re not actually upset about the cognac, are you?”

“Furious,” Thomas said, but with enough humour that Alex shrugged and went back to his laptop. 

“Not surprised you’re worn out, after all that boring shit you just put yourself through. Wanna go out for dinner later?”

_ Say something! _ “Sure.”  _ Just fucking say it! _

He wavered awkwardly beside the counter and Alex pulled his eyes up from his screen again. “What? Something wrong?”

But he let the opportunity slip out of his grasp. 

“No,” Thomas frowned, “Can’t a man stand in his own kitchen without being accosted?”

Alex grinned. “If you stay there much longer, I  _ will _ accost you.”

Thomas laughed at that, then slogged up the stairs to take another shower. Maybe this one would help. As he stood under the water, he formulated a plan: he’d take Alex out somewhere nice for dinner, then come home and take him apart in their bed, and sleep, then then in the morning he’d make his confession.

On, no, wait - tomorrow would be Sunday and they have brunch with the Schuylers and then some shelves to put up for Alex’s furiously growing library.

Monday morning, then. 

Except Alex would slip off to work before he was even awake, and there was no sense in ruining both of their entire workdays. He’d do it on Monday evening. Except - Monday evenings were when they caught up on their favourite TV shows and Thomas didn’t want to miss that rare tender moment.

Tuesday? Maybe Tuesday would work.

Oh, he’ll find a time. He’ll tell Alex. One day. Soon. 


End file.
